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Saturday, April 28, 2007
Disclaimer: I am just being emotional, or well, just needed to let some things out. So don't bother to continue reading if, well, you don't want to know certain things about ol' me, or if you don't want to read a stupid emo post. Maybe i should dedicate this to the person who taught me the word 'emo'.
I just realized that I have a really bad inferiority complex. People may say that I am confident of myself and all especially when I'm having cca, but seriously its just a facade.
It took me two years to realize that I can dance passably well. My IP1 and 2 years in dance was not particularly fantastic. Whatever dance I attempted had a lot of parts which needed correcting, and my seniors would kindly teach me to make my steps better, yet none of their coaching seemed to be of much use as I still did not improve. No one imagine how I felt being left out of so many things that required the skill and technique, which I did not have. As my self-confidence went to a new low, my inferiority complex kicks in.
Having two sisters with amazing track records, I always felt useless. It didn't help that with my personality, this did not spur me on to work harder, but I actually accepted the fact that I could never measure up to them(which is stupid, but it still happened.) But then again, this is nobody's fault but my own.
Anyway, i'm diverting from the topic. Maybe I may have certain parts of me which is 'good', but they were never important. Important as in to my future. My academics are average, or actually, maybe even below average looking at my level. I make excuses (which again, I know is incredibly stupid) time and time again, and I just continuing being lazy and just continue doing what I like.
Apparently, my mum figures that I place my happiness above everything else. If I had to do something that I hated, despite it being vital for me to do, I would do something that made me happy. Again, I'm being incredibly idiotic for I'm just keep ranting on and on and i don't bloody change anything. Wait. I change, but too little and too slow.
My friends surrounding me in the past used to spur me to study, but now, I'm always with bruce and ha. They are fun to be with, but Ha is a scholar. She likes studying. As in she really is happy just doing her work! Her mugging is always way ahead of me. And then bruce. Big words but not much action. Even though he is helpful, but he doesn't motivate me to study. He actually makes me NOT want to study, so that he won't try to help me with the wrong information, which makes me more confused then ever.
But then again, I'm diverting from the topic. I was talking about cca. The J1's item has to be done by the showcase and I'm really worried. I don't know what I can do to help. I'm useless. Despite being nicknamed the 'sharpener' by Wanzhen, I don't do much. But I really hope that this act is able to get together so that it will not be scrapped from aristal.
By the way, ARISTAL IS COMING
All this events and more kind of caused me to sink to this emotional and depressing state, and I have decided that I will try to change. Slowly, but surely. PLUS, I will get a bloody A for Math in A-levels, so the math make-up lessons that I have (which makes me end school like at 1830) will not be a waste of my time.
Want to place a bet?
I will and I can. And I'll do it the way I practiced like 'hell' for dance just to improve. No one can understand the sadness I felt. No one can really understand how much I tried. But I know, and that is all that matters to me. I've decided not to be affected by what is going on around me and just do everything I'm tasked with and more, WELL.
Anxiously awaiting results for both IP and JC categories tomorrow. Even though I'm not involved in either, I feel super nervous! What if I was actually dancing? Maybe I would faint from sheer nervousness.
Today, slacked so much when Chii Tarng and I were supposed to do a choreo for the ending. Could have ended much earlier, but everyone was crazy after SYF!
Courtesy of gettyimages.com
Weird things that happen in Dance Studio 2 after SYF:
1. Wenhao and ZhangYun rolling on the floor whenever this song went 'rolling rolling rolling...' 2. Wenhao trying to go to a ballet jump, the one that looks like a split in mid-air right in front of our faces 3. Ryan, ZhangYun and Wenhao doing funny choreography to funny songs 4. Jia Teng, WeiZong and Wanzhen doing the egyptian like movement, standing one in front of the other. 5. Gim Lim trying to step on my foot, which led to Wanzhen, Jia Teng and him playing Pepsi-Cola, where the two guys ganged up on Wanzhen 6. Me and Wanzhen pointing fingers at those dancing, and pretending to whisper. etc. etc.
I can't really write down in words how funny these little things were. I fell down laughing, if that is a good indication. I just realized that this is one of the times when I am really happy in WD. Just happy. Even though most times I am still alone, but I am just so happy, standing there and watching the other WD people. I think I can really just shout, 'WESTERN DANCE!!!' in front of many people, like I dared tis to say 'Woof' and Jia Teng to say 'Oink' really loudly while going to see the SYF performances.
Anyway, on this high note, I shall now continue studying for Econs, since we have a test on Friday... Whoo! Go Econs Go!
P.S I must learn to love a subject, so I'll feel glad studying for it
I can't talk properly since I can't say 't', 'g', 'd', and 's'....
And mel and tis keeps laughing at me.
Life is just great mannn...
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But, of course there were really funny things that happened today! Like tis and I having this 'jaw-dropping' look whenever mel says something. Which, turned to the 'eye-popping' look, which served as a rest for my poor jaws. This thing happened while discussing for what to do our PW on, and our list have really cool ideas: 1. Person who invented the pad 2. Person who invented the bra 3. Marco Polo 4. Britney Spears 5. Elephant Man (I don't know who that is but...) and many many more.
But of course, we decided not to do anyone of the above ideas, for we chose to do on....
...
don't tell you. Its secret you know. Hahahahahaha! ---
Taking this opportunity, I would like to thank Gim Lim for giving me a oreo cheesecake he made! I LOVE CAKES! He saved me from being so deprived from pastry kind of cakes, since I just ate two slices of pandan cake and a slice of marble cake during teatime. But I have not eaten cheesecake for ages!!!! Therefore, Wei Liang is no longer my saviour. Gim Lim is. Yay!!!!
Gim Lim, Eesha and I went together to watch the IP syf performance, and I teared. I think I'm too emotional, but it was really touching. Seeing the hard work and effort put in the item not go to waste by presenting a great dance item. IP! Why is your dance so short!! I am really waiting to see this dance item during Aristal again! Tomorrow is JC syf performance.. I am really really REALLY nervous. But I guess my feelings are nothing compared to those performing. I want... no. I need to scream to let all these suppressed feelings come out! AHHHHHH
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Had a heart to heart talk with my mum today, it made me understand quite a few things, and 'get in touch' with myself better, if that actually makes any sense.
THIS IS A DAY WHERE THE GIRLS MUST WHERE PINK AND SPEAK IN A TOTALLY IDIOTIC WAY.
AND THIS BIMBO-NESS MUST SPREAD ALL AROUND.
ACTIVE SUPPORTERS OF THIS DAY INCLUDE: 1. THE INFAMOUS GLAAAAADYYYYSSSSS TAN!!!!! WITH A PINK HAIRBAND AND HAIR TIE, PLUS A 'TOTALLLY' BIMBO BAG, THIS GIRL HAS DEFINED BIMBO! HER ATTEMPTS TO SPEAK LIKE AN IDIOT AMAZINGLY WAS SO SUCCESSFUL. WITH HER WALK, HER TALK, AND HER LOOK, IT IS OF NO SURPRISE THAT SHE TOPS THIS LIST!
2. THE SEXY PERSON TISSSSIIAAANNA LOOOWWW ALSO WITH HER PINK HAIRBAND, SHE HAS HOT PINK EARPHONES CONNECTED TO HER SONY ERICSSON MP3! NOT WITHSTANDING HER PINK NOKIA PHONE! THIS GIRL PARTICIPATES IN BIMBO DEBATES WITH GLAAAADYYYYSS AND CREATES MUCH FUN AND LAUGHTER!
3. THE HOT CANOUUU--EEIST, NATAAALIEEE KOOOHHH!!!! SHE BORROWED A PINK +++++ GLITTERY HAIRBAND FROM DEAR TISSIANNA, AND SWITCHED HER ONE TO IT! IS THAT BIMBO OR BIMBO?!? HOWEVER, SINCE SHE DID NOT SPEAK IN THE 'BIMBO' WAY, IT IS SAD TO SAY THAT SHE CAN ONLY REMAIN AT SPOT NUMBER 3!!!
.......
If you can't see that I'm bored, then I have no idea how to convince that I am. Today (or more accurately speaking yesterday) was speech day. Although this is not an ordinary school day, but it is not entirely special too. However, what made this day so special to me was that I finally got to spend time with the dear '04 girls! We had so much fun, like mel and I being Tis' bodyguards, and 'escorting' her to her cubicle, locking the guys' out of our Civics venue, and NAT KILLING A TOAD/FROG. Is there any other queries on why I miss IP??? Heck! I'm missing so many stupid, fun and lame stuff that actually made school life bearable...
Classes change as subject combinations differ, even the group of people I hang out with is different. Therefore, it is of no surprise when people say I'm different now. Sadly, I've become a tad more vulgar, and seeing how I hit Lauren on the head because she used the f-word, shows how shocking this is. And I think I'm ruder(is there even such a word?!? sorry. not thinking straight now)... Its all Zhirong's fault. Curse him. Hahahahaha
Talking about Zhirong reminds me why I'm writing this at bloody 1+am, because I AM SUPPOSED TO DO MY CHEMISTRY PROJECT. My group is so screwed... and I can't send the bloody thing! I don't care. I'll try tomorrow or something.
Therefore, I shall end this by saying this little speech In honour of Gladys' and my view on Speech Day:
Vote for me! Number 10001! Because the first and last numbers equals to 2! It takes 2 hands to clap, so for me to make some noise, I need your vote! I am passionate, and I'm willing to serve this school. I want to make NJ a better place! I want to be your voice! I'm even willing to give myself an analogy that totally makes no sense! I'll be your ez-link card. Something that will always be beside you. Helping you -- by paying your bus fare. I am fun-loving, and I go crazy over ice-cream! I absolutely LOVE gorging! So vote for me, candidate number 10001, for I, will make a difference in YOUR life.
P.S the above speech is not an insult to anyone specific, and details I wrote about myself may or may not be true. Its just a joke like thing, so if I offended anyone in particular, I am terribly sorry.
Weirdly enough, I feel accomplished. Not because I finished the whole stack of work that I have on the side of my desk, but because I finished choreographing my part. Even though its like a really short part, but oh well! I am so proud of mel, because of both Indian Dance fantastic SYF results (gold with honours + honourable mention!?), but also on her courage for her operation removing lumpo and beepo!!! I feel so honoured to have such a brave friend. How can I have such a brave friend when I'm so scared of the stupidest things like say, a beetle? .... nevermind. Don't answer that question. Recently, or to be more precise just 5 hours ago (its 12:19am now), I have found something to motivate me to study more. To cut a long story short, I have to thank my dad for that. I shall therefore swear to cut my time surfing the net by half, and spend this precious amount of time doing something that will actually benefit me in the near future. PLUS, I shall stop daydreaming. Ok. Maybe the daydreaming part seems a tad bit unrealistic.. I'll try to not daydream so much. Anyway, the reason why I am writing this in such an ungodly hour (because I have to wake up at 7am tomorrow.. or is it today?) is because I have to remember something. My highscore for solitaire is 8534!!!!!!!!! It may not seem as an achievement for many, but it is the only time I broke the 8000 mark, so I DON'T CARE WHAT OTHERS THINK. hmph. Therefore, to be so kind as to not stop my euphoria, be happy for me. Thank you.
I shall now promote the book I am currently reading. Its title is, The Time Traveller's Wife. Basically the story is about this girl, who's husband suffers from some condition that makes his genetic clock reset itself periodically. This book is really moving, and it is worth the read.
I said I hated you. Sorry. It was horrible of me, and I know that no matter what you have done to piss me off, I should not have said that. I am really sorry. SYF is around the corner, and everyone is super busy. Jolynn asked me today why I didn't join syf. I realize that everyone around me are joining art groups to be into the syf, and looking at NJ's past standards, its not difficult to get a reasonable so called 'result. But then look past all of these awards and prizes and stupid things. Why join a cca if you don't really have any interest in it? I would rather join something I really really feel passionate about (despite the huge cliche because its true). But of course, if along the way, you really discover a passion for that particular activity that you're working then I think that joining the cca will definitely be worth it. I was surfing the net and I so this really cool motorbike. Therefore, it shall be my desktop picture till I find something cooler! Sometimes when time goes by, I really feel that I'm missing out on many things in life. Friends and events passes along like a breeze, no one really stopping to allow the other to catch up with them. I really hope that I do not make the same mistake I've been doing for every year of my past. Not keeping in contact with my friends. I'm not a really sociable person, I don't take the initiative to start talking. I'm trying to change that. I really am. To show my appreciation, I want to dedicate this song to 04. Especially to mel, gladd, nat, jolynn, tis, mer, celle, sam etc.
Though I have, sadly and pathetically, not watched Titanic, this is for you guys. Thanks.
Performed at Suntec today for some Healthy Lifestyle event.
The stage was 4x2m...
Do you know how small it is?!?!?!
HOW DO THEY EXPECT US TO DANCE!??!?
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Was super busy on saturday, had to choreograph a dance with Wenhao and Hans... And I didn't know that the stupid IP guys were there. This is so embarassing. ....
Anyway,
I WENT FOR A BARBECUE AND I GOT MYSELF A WIFE AND A MISTRESS!
WHOO!
AND WE GOT LOST TOGETHER!
AND ATE ROASTED MARSHMALLOWS TOGETHER!!
This was a bbq with out China Buddies, so all the china buddies invited their buddies to a bbq at Labrador Park. And Clar's buddy is so gentlemanly! People should follow him. She wanted a drink, but there was only coke, so she offhandedly commented about that,
and her buddy went and found a vending machine and bought her Ice Lemon Tea
He's so nice!
At the bbq, everyone was so nice, and we had major joking sessions with the guys. Sam was the highlight, for she and her buddy is a like fountain. A fountain of lame jokes. It was so funny! And I ate and a I laughed till my stomach split.
Chen Cheng, my buddy, went and did the 'guy's job' of barbequing the food, and some of the guys there was really pro at doing the satay. They can set up a store here or something.
I can't post pictures for I have not uploaded it to my com yet.
Oh well.
They are leaving on THURSDAY....
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I ate the chocolates my uncle bought from Japan and gained weight.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
