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Sunday, November 25, 2007
Seeking answers For questions which are often Left unanswered Or even ignored. Tears may slip From the place where it is usually Kept under control. Understanding The future's never certain Questioning why things often go wrong Inconsequential matters Are often those which are voiced. Shouting silently at the top of my lungs Lifting my head And hoping for a day. Praying that maybe My hidden wishes Will meet with a miracle. Hate bubbling beneath the surface Threatening to change A person into a harridan. With control held only By a single strand of faith. Perhaps like dawn, There'll be a flicker Of light and hope. All one has to do, Is to patiently wait.
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I'm plagued with questions, demands and alot of stuff. Its like a web, refusing to let me even attempt to find a way out, but I still have to try. Should I follow my heart or my parents. Should I do what I like or just do what needs to be done. I've always been the obedient child, so why are the rules placed upon me harsher than those on those less obedient? Maybe I'm not mature enough. Perhaps I need someone to guide me. But is this done through pressurizing and harsh debates? Realized that I don't understand many things makes me want to work harder. AND I'M TRYING. So why can't [they] see that? Despise going to places I used to love anymore. Am I rebelling? Or is this again explained by counsellors as a 'stage' that a teen has to go through. ARGH. During this period of time, I realized that I'm blinded by prejudice towards some people sometimes, and I'm really really sorry. I promise I'll forget those prejudices and befriend you for who you are. Looking back towards Butts Off, there are times when I feel so frustrated for none of the dancers are fully aware of the extent of the problems that we had. To relieve some of it, I shouted at times and I'm truly apologetic. I'm not usually like that and I'll make an effort to learn how to control my emotions. Dance camp was a blast. Dan's contemporary practices are really fun! And therefore the multi-million dollar question: TO CONTEMP OR NOT TO CONTEMP --
Three of my favourite songs. Please listen to the lyrics and hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
I am never going to eat Crystal Jade until a year has passed.
Why?
Because I've eaten it twice in 3 days, and both times ended in me gorging till I had a tummy ache. Argh.
First time was after watching Chitty Chitty Bang Bang!!!!, and the second was to celebrate my cousin's birthday today (HAPPY BIRTHDAY NIGEL!). Holding on to my stomach whilst writing this, I am totally disgusted for not restraining myself and to eat till I was 80% full instead of FREAKING 120% FULL.
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Now for some post Butts Off blues, I am seriously missing the Butts Off guys for we kind of met every single day except Sundays for practice, and our practice kind of drags on from morning till night. Luckily, there is a sudden sprouting of many Butts Off meetings! First was on Monday when we went to Swensens then Tis, Calvin, Zhangfan and Sophia pangseh-ed Huiting, Priya and I to watch the Game Plan for we three had to go to school for preparation of Dance Camp. Then, we have an outing for tomorrow today too!! But I might be late for I AM SO GOING TO CUT MY HAIR.
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I can't find my library book. DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE. Oh. and plus the fact I've been having nightmares about me dying is not funny (Calvin's revenge)...
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Had CIP today yesterday from 0855-1800 at the Daycare centre. The kids were seriously very hyper and they were all asking for individual attention. Thank goodness I'm surrounded by irritating people so my I think I am quite patient even though they kept screaming and clawing at my hand. I love doing CIP. Even though I just teach them some math/english or to mark their work etc. it sure beats staying at home and looking at the computer screen. Plus, Gladys made the CIP trip fun too!
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I hate it when people call me 'Honey' or 'Darling' or 'Sweets' or 'Love'. EWW.
XFRESH ROCKS MY SOCKS!!!! Butts off was just crazy. The floor was super super slippery and I nearly fell. I totally blanked out and forgot one part.
So basically I thought we were super screwed.
BUT...
WE GOT 2nd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
screamzzzzz We're just too cool.
$600 whoo!
However, before the results were announced, they had this best dancer 'competition'. Basically the judges choose 4 people they deem to be the best dancer of the competition, and then the 4 people 'battle' it out on the stage. To my utmost horror and shock, Xfresh (which is the name of our team) got called upon, and then my name was picked out. What made it worse was that I totally didn't know what was going on so I kinda spaced out, and then the emcee asked for my name and called me 'ting ting'... WHAT THE.. And then I proceeded to make a FOOL out of myself, and dragged Calvin along for I didn't know what to do. Oops. Hahahahaha.
BUT I got cool cool vouchers!!!
THERE'S LIKE A VOUCHER FOR GELARE!!! But I am still very embarassed, and Weizong's comments like "Don't worry, I will only laugh at you for 2 weeks" didn't help much. The cherry of this whole fiasco was that ERIKA VIDEOTAPED IT. OMG I can never leave this embarassment down. HOWHOWHOWHOWHOWHOWHOWHOW
I know that the people around me keep saying I did fine and all, but THAT WAS NOT THE POINT.
But what can I do?
Sigh.
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To
Tis Rach Calvin Sophia Huiting Zhangfan Priya Serene Jamie I am super super super happy to be in this dance with you guys! I'm really proud and I guess all the practices were worth it right? Hahaha! I'll always remember the emo-ing, laughing, lazing, frustration, and all the wonderful feelings that make us the special butts off group. I won't thank each and everyone of you individually in this post, because I'm want to be lazy (: so perhaps next time then! Thanks so much for making this a wonderful experience and I'm really grateful to be with the bunch of you guys. All of you have been a constant source of encouragement for me (even if you may not know it) and lets all work hard towards DANCEWORKS 08!
Mr Ho Ms OonMs Ng Reg WeizongAndrea Jer Tim Shining JiaTeng and the rest of WD Thanks so much for your constant support for our dance. From doing our props to helping us with our choreo and every little thing that you guys did. Grazie mille.
Mer Celle Thanks. For the flower and being there. --
WE ARE JUST TOO COOL TO BE TRUE.
MWAHAHAHA
P.S Will post pictures when I steal them from those who have cameras.
Had a lesson with Michelle from S.Y.T.Y.C.D. season 1!!!!! I think she's beautiful. She dances well, is really funny and she's a really nice person. I learned alot. haha. Specially on the swiveling hips part. Actually I felt super awkward. I wasn't comfortable with my body for I felt that I was too thin (no muscles), was one of the tallest (even though I'm considered really short already) etc. etc. Therefore, since I can't do much about my height, all I can do is to exercise and gain some muscles.
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As I've been dancing every single day (except Sundays) with the same group of people ever since Promos ended, I have found out certain things about them.
1. Tis has uncontrollable laughter that its just hilarious watching her.
2. Tis' sense of humour is weird. She laughs at the most random stuff and this was further confirmed as I remember that she laughed when in a movie THE CRUCIBLE, John Proctor died.
3. Rachel is seriously very cute
4. Rachel is also very very hardworking.
5. Priya's giggles = contagious
6. Priya is my twin -->same birthday -->same dislike for mayo -->green nails! -->and more...
7. Calvin is an a**hole, and he is living in denial that he is not a homosexual. haha!
8. Calvin derives sadistic pleasure from fake bashing people up and a secretly skilled manipulator.
9. Sophia = SO HEALTHY. Who uses tissue to wipe away the oil on the prata!?!? haha!
10. Sophia likes to touch people. Evidence from how she'll poke everyone.
11. Sophia is also my beloved food provider!
12. Zhangfan is crazy about emo and when he gets frustrated, bangs his body on the floor doing some crazy breakdancing move.
OK.
EMO POST ALERT FOR I NEED TO GET SOME STUFF OFF MY CHEST SO DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T WISH TO RUIN YOUR DAY.
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Honestly speaking I hate shouting at people for I cannot stand confrontations. So sometimes I really hate myself for shouting at the Butts Off dancers to shut up or practice. There are times when I feel that because I'm required to maintain some kind of image during dance (like not being too slack and kind of strict) I feel that I'm wearing some sort of mask. The way I act at home, dance and school's different from each other, and the one that I act most 'ab-normally' is during dance practice. Ok. I admit that its not always a facade, for there are times when I act like myself. However, those times when I act like myself is usually when we're resting or having some eating session with the dancers or helping them one-by-one.
I really wish to be in Danceworks '08, and I am trying my best to improve myself for it without sacrificing my studies. However, my parents' wish for me to not be so involved in dance have been an increasingly heated discussion among us, often ending up with my submitting or with no conclusion for one of us would walk away. However, I know studies are more important for its highly unlikely (actually improbable) that I'd have a career in dance despite how much I love it.
I am really thankful for the people around me, even though for some of them I rarely see them since its the hols. For example, I saw Nat this morning in school and I was really really happy. Tis is the person that I sort of depend on during dance, for she keeps me sane (no matter how shocking this may be) and helps me correct the steps for the other guys. Mel is a wonderful person, reminding me about work, Reg for her constant support and many many more people.
This thanking thing actually have to be extended to my 2 wonderful siblings, even though the older one has the A's, but other sisterly talks with each other helps relieve alot of the stress that's building up inside. I'm seriously very very stressed. Coping with pressure at home, school and those that I place upon myself. It has escalated to the stage that I can't even fall asleep without worrying about something and that I rarely have appetite, considering that I love food... that's saying something. My arm is hurting like crazy at random times, and at some points I've had to grit my teeth to stop screaming while I'm dancing. I wish to get in the top3. No. Make that a want or even better, a need. However, as all dancers should know, training isn't everything that will allow you to reach your goal, and the best we can do is to just give our best. I can only practice alone to improve my steps since whenever I'm with the rest of the team, I end up being the one who oversees and corrects mistakes. I hope I don't bring the the whole Butts Off team down. After making you guys go through such gruelling training, I have mixed feelings for each and everyone of you. (though I highly doubt most of you would be reading this post.. or even come to this emo session)
I don't think my stress is visible to anyone except my younger mei mei, whom I love super duper much. Her occasional childishness and temper always brightens up my day whether she is beating me up or hugging me.
What I said in my previous post about not touching Calvin anymore... Well, I have to touch him..
FIRST, I push him away
SECOND..
drumroll please
This is my favourite part...
....
....
I GET TO SLAP HIM!
Ooh. Sweet Sweet Revenge. Haha.
Just kidding. I felt really bad for I kept trying to slap him without hurting him, so the slap looked really fake. So there was once when I tried to slap him for real [although I still didn't use much force] This is the first time I've slapped someone. Its too cool!!!!
Haha.
Honestly speaking I feel utterly horrible, but not so horrible when the stupid idiot slapped me to explain what he meant by slapping someone. Plus, I can pretend to be angry with him. NO PROBLEMO with that. haha Anyway, had an emo session with Andrea, Weizong, RachChew and Calvin at Mad Jack's.
[FAM ALERT!!!] The Beef Burger w/ Chips
3/10
The patty was soft and crumbly, the chips were just TOO SALTYi could feel my hair dropping, and what was worse was that sitting there talking, those waiters started buttering the bread for the burgers, and flies just landed on the breadand THEY DIDN'T CARE. Considering that I just ate a burger, I was quite disgusted.
Aside from that we had an emo session and basically talked about stupid stuff [as usual] and how to improve ourselves in dance. I personally think that Rachel can dance really well, and I admire her constant strive towards improving herself.
S.Y.T.Y.C.D instructor to teach us tomorrow!!!
excited.excited.excited.
Dance issues aside, MY HOUSE IS sort of IN A MESS. My table is loaded with stuff from socks to empty boxes to picture frames to random accessories. This is all because I started trying to CLEAR my table, but unfortunately its in a bigger mess than it used to be.
Oh well. Too bad.
P.S After eating the pizza and weighing myself today, I realized I lost another kilo. WTFKJSHOUBBQ?! So I guess Calvin has all the luck.
P.P.S Apparently I really strained my muscle on my left hand. Or as my mum says, I have a clot due to excessive straining to maintain my balance when draping a leg over Calvin. I am writing this after the traumatic 'massage' that she gave me, and I'm writing all of this with my right hand.
Sorry for the super late update, but dance practices are more intensive than ever, since the finals' THIS SATURDAY.
I feel really horrible. I think that I am an absolute terror in the dance studio. People say I'm scary...even Ms Oon! And I make them practice like crazy. Like 123098532485 times.
I'm so sorry.
Today was kind of a slow day as things went. Calvin is my new partner, and although I'm happy that I don't have to dance to the disgusting Gimme More song anymore, but now I always feel like I'm falling. Why? 'Cause I have to lean on Calvin with one leg!?! And although I'm really sorry about letting him support my 'heaviness' its super scary to have this feeling that you MAY DROP ANYTIME. Chii Tarng helped us, and guess what! He laughed. And asked me to hold Calvin's neck so CALVIN DOESN'T SUPPORT ONE OF MY HANDS ANYMORE. Grrrrr.... I'm so sorry that Calvin and Chii Tarng is of the other gender, so they cannot experience what I'm feeling!! They make it seem so easy. "OH! Just lean like that..." And then I collapse to the floor.
Then I think about the slices of pizza I ate for lunch... It'd be so funny if Calvin can't support me! Anyway, most of the changes have been done. PLUS I don't have to touch Calvin anymore!!
I totally understand how Tis feels now. Calvin's face is just so.. laughable. More than Chii Tarng's, and trust me, having partnered with him for a dance before, his face is pretty damn*d funny. However, these 2 guys decided to team up and insult me... Why do I have such partners! Insults and constant teasing the whole day.
Insult No. 1 Chii Tarng "So Calvin, you finally understand how I feel when partnering [me]" Calvin "Yes. I so sympathise with you!"
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Insult No. 2 Chii Tarng "Now you need to look at her[me] with regret. Sigh or something." Calvin "Hahaha. That's not very difficult. Since I'm unfortunately stuck with her as a partner."
THANKS SO MUCH GUYS....
Insult No. 3
On our way out of school
Calvin "We just need to marry someone.. rich and beautiful"
Chii Tarng "I was going to mention [me], but hearing your criteria, I realized that she CMI"
Me "I know that I'm not rich and beautiful. haha."
Chii Tarng "I don't know about the rich part, but the beautiful part is true la.."
Calvin and Chii Tarng laughing
Me " Thanks. I know I'm not beautiful. Stop rubbing it in."
Chii Tarng "Ohh.. Well, you know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I think you're beautiful."
THEN HE SHOWS ME HIS CROSSED FINGERS.
Oh. Life is so cruel. I was stuck with 2 horrible guys.. Jeez.
Hahaha.
Oh well.
At least it was not as horrible as some of the insults I get anyway. But then again, WHO CARES?
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Dance is running my entire life. Dance everyday from morn to afternoon, making me reach home just before dinner. I was saying after dance that my mum will kill me when I reach home [but she has lessons in TCM so I'm saved for the moment] and Calvin the prat said "Oh! You should kill yourself so your mum doesn't sin."
So basically I'm doomed either way.
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AND THERE'S EVEN MORE HORRIBLE NEWS
[FAM members alert!!!]
There is no good ice-cream and fruits in school anymore!!!!!!!
SHOCK.HORROR.SHOCK.HORROR
haha. I think I should set up a store selling good ice-cream [and cheap] and loads and loads of fruits.
Oh. Don't they look absolutely wonderful!
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Despite that horrific news, here are some good ones!
1. I'M GOING TO THE ZOO!!!!!
Bringing my little sis and cousins for a treat!
2. I'M GOING TO FOLLOW THE TEN PARADOXICAL COMMANDMENTS!
If you don't know about it... well, you should.
Isn't it amazing that despite everything, I'm feeling ridiculously happy?
I think that blogging should always be happy. Why bother emo-ing someone else? Don't spoil the days of others with your misery. HOWEVER, I know that sometimes, you just need to be emo, as someone said to me.. emo is good for health or something to that extent.
I feel really really happy to have super great friends.
Although, I seriously didn't suspect a thing (Ok. Perhaps I'm just super slow) so when they jumped out from behind the wall in Mel's house, I was seriously shocked and taken aback. While Mel was busily trying to make me stay in her study, I had no idea on what was happening outside, and was LISTENING TO WEIRD MUSIC VIDEOS WITH YI HOONG!!!!
HI YT HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY im sorry i couldnt be there eat your icecream and get fat! HAHAHA and i heard about the AHEM.
That was Nat.
Yt is beautiful!!!
That was Mel.
And I'm not beautiful and Nat, its ok. and ARGHHH! Stop talking about that!@!$!?@$
It was something between FRIENDS.
Anyway, on with my story. So Yi Hoong and I were listening to these funny asian music videos laughing away (although we were supposed to be doing PW), when Mel burst in and said "It's time for lunch!"
And then I saw my surprise.
MY ENTIRE CLASS(with the exception of Tony, Sam, Kien, Nat and Jolynn)came and wished me a Happy Birthday. It was the first time my birthday was so celebrated by my friends. I'm still at a loss of words on how to describe my feelings then - anger, surprise, happiness, sadness etc.
Anyway, thank you all super super a lot of times.
I loved Colin's brownie, my Ice-cream voucher sponsored by WeiLiang, Gladys, Nat, Colin, my beautiful treasure chest, Jo's cookies, my lamp, and more.
But thanks especially to my beloved Mel TEE!!!! for that wonderful lunch (we had a pizza party and plenty of cupcakes with loads of icing) and Tisiana and Yi Hoong for trying hard to not make me notice anything. (Yi Hoong is a REALLY good actress....)
I guess this birthday is one that I'll remember for years to come.
But it was kinda ruined by my stupid cousin. HE THOUGHT MY BIRTHDAY WAS THE NEXT DAY. So when I was asleep, he called me at 9am!?!?! to wish me a happy birthday. Such an UNGODLY hour in the morning!!!! I was half-asleep when I picked up my phone. Haha. Then in school, Calvin gave me a present wrapped in white paper, and it was super hilarious because he had no tape and used a marker to draw tape on the paper and used blu-tack to stick it together. Then he said that he was not that ancient because now we're only a year apart from each other.(His birthday was on the 25th Oct)
Here are some other pictures at my 'surprise' courtesy of Mel.
How could I be so dumb... and not notice anything
WeiLiang sweeping up the mess that... he created?
So all in all it was a great birthday. It did not start out great. I woke up with an eye infection and had to go to the doctor's. And my dad wasn't at home, and I spent the day thinking I wouldn't have a cake. BUT I DID! CHOCOLATE CAKE!!!
CAN YOU SEE IT??? Its the one, 2nd column, last row.
Now I can have 2 cakes for my birthday, for my dad and I are going to celebrate our birthday's together when he returns to Singapore.
OH. And thanks to all those who wished me a happy birthday - jemregjosephterencelaurenyueshikangtingnatcherryzhaorongnatnatnatnatnat!(okay enough nats)Eeshapriyaserenerachelhuitingyimian... ok. I can't remember already. So I'm really sorry if I didn't thank you. But YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT I'M REALLY GRATEFUL.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
How could I be so dumb... and not notice anything
